Moving Forward

For the past 2 years Laura Story and her music has ministered to my heart like none other.  I love her songs.  Make Something Beautiful is my favorite song.  The second verse reads:


When I'm tired of pretending, and I can't recall my lines,
Do I say, I'm barely breathing, or just say, I'm doing fine.
I admit there is a yearning, for the hurting to subside,
But not at the risk of missing what You're doing with my life


It is hard for me to put into words how I am doing.  I feel like it is hard for people to understand this many moves in 7 years and the toll it has taken on mine and John's life.  There are SOOO many blessings that have come from the last 7 years and most of the time I wouldn't trade it for anything.  It has been our story and it has refined us in so many beautiful ways.  But the last few moves have been much harder and recovery is harder and longer.  But I am thankful to say that we are moving forward. When we moved to Seattle, John and I had this conversation about how we were doing after the very stressful last 2 months of 2010 and he said "it is ok if we are not good, we just have to keep moving forward."  I think this is the theme of this year for our family.  I have fought depression this year but unlike 09 and early 10 it has not gotten the best of me - PRaise GOD!!  We are just choosing to move forward and asking God to meet us right were we are.  And He has.  
We are close to being settled in here and I don't function well with an unsettled home.  So I am seeing the light around the corner :).  And the highlight of this week is my sweet friend Erin, who has lost 80lbs this year, has started Couch to 5K with me.  She has already been running but she gets it and she is willing to come along side me and walk this journey with me.  It is a wonderful blessing from God.  I can hardly move I am so sore but I have completed both of the runs the last 2 days and that is a huge feat for me.  
We LOVE having John at home and the boys love love love their 1.5 acres of roaming grounds.  The Cook's are moving forward - one.step.at.a.time.

In Case You're Wondering....

We are alive.  Lots has happened in the Cook house in the last 2 months.  It has been a heart-wrenching time in my life that I am still not ready to talk about in detail.  But I wanted to share some news with those of you who do care.  We are moving back to Reform, Alabama.  Those that have followed me for some time remember that we were living in that area when John unexpectedly lost his job in the spring of '09 and we moved to New York.  We are headed back the end of this month.  I will share more in time but for now this is our update.
Also, Brady will be having surgery on Thursday.  It is a tonsillectomy but they have "prepared" us that he is a slightly high risk for pulmonary edema because of a few issues.  A friend of mine's mom was out here this week.  She is a surgical nurse and she said that pulmonary edema is rare and said he will probably be fine but they have to tell us that.  So please pray for little man that his surgery would go off without a hitch and there would be no complications afterwards.
Thanks friends

Moving Again ....

...but just across the Lake.  Only one other time in all of our moves have we moved less than 10 miles from our previous home.  This move will require trips in the mini van across Lake Washington.  We are moving to the CITY!!!!  Lots has happened in the Cook's life since January.  The move is this weekend and we are actually so excited to see what God does in our lives over the next 3-5 years.  Yes, you heard me right.  It is our prayer that God continues to provide John with work and that He would allow our family to stay in the same home for at least 3-5 years.  We are joining a core team to plant a church in the "urban sprawl" of Seattle.  Did you know there are more Christians in communist China than there are in Seattle?  We are excited about the work and have surprisingly fallen in love with our city.  I can't wait to fill you in on more in the coming weeks.

This Proud and Sad Momma...

Jake has taken up running with John.  Currently they are running about 1/2 mile 3-4 days a week.  He ran his first race last weekend - we were so proud of him.

Over the last few months, Jake has been complaining of his neck hurting.  It has gotten worse so last Thursday we let B's ortho doctor check him out.  After exam and xrays and a little education on his occular albinism and nystagmus he recommended PT to see if we could help his muscles.

Today we had our first visist.  The PT ask Jake lots of questions and one was how often it hurt him during the day.  His answer was it hurts mostly all the time except when I am lying down.  :(
Then as we talked with the PT, I was answering questions and Jake overheard me tell the PT that his vision was 20/200 and that he was basically legally blind (we were talking in regards to distance from TV & Computer screen).  After we left Jake said momma I heard you tell that man I am legally blind.  So John explained what that means.  Momma had to excuse herself and shed a few tears.  Now that Jake is going strong in school we are seeing more difficulties regarding his vision.  The PT said we would work on this but that he didn't know how much it would help because we are working against an underlying condition. 

It just makes me sad today - that I watch my little one struggle and hurt.  Please pray with us that the PT helps - from research it seems that this could be life long for him. 

Doing Well

I really do want to pick this back up.  It will happen soon I hope.  But for now I am learning how to get my big rocks in daily.  This is a big priority for me and John this year.  So while I love this blog it is not a big rock in my life and so I haven't made it fit regularly.  Right now we are working on the following:
1. Daily Time in the Word
2. Daily Exercise - doing well with the weekdays - not so much weekends yet because we don't do schedules on the weekend.  But I am pleased with how it is coming.
3. Consistent school - I am LOVE LOVE LOVING school with my boys.  It is amazing to me how they are such sponges.  And Jake is to the age where we really have conversations during the day and I watch him grasping truths and making them his own.  It delights my heart so much.
4. Consistent home routine - this is not rigid but we are working to be diligent to do the work needed for the day so that we don't fall behind and struggle in other areas.  I am learning that all but 1 of our family members really needs peace and order to our home - and to have peace and order and little chaos requires daily work.
5. Healthy eating.  My understanding of the foods we eat has grown a lot in the past year.  We are slowly eliminating processed foods from our life and replacing them with whole, clean foods in their original form.  This makes for a bit more work in the kitchen but it is becoming a hobby (which John says I need) and I am enjoying learning and trying new things.  I find great delight in providing healthy meals and snacks for my family. 
6. Quality time as a family - this is the one we are trying to still work out the kinks with.  John going back to work out of the home is hard for us.  So we are working hard to figure out the best ways for all of us to fill our tanks with each other.  We are hoping that date nights will happen soon as well. 

So these things are filling my day.  We spend lots of time at home which my boys love.  I have seen their imaginations soar greatly over the last couple months.  Their friendships are strengthing and my understanding of what each of them needs from us is becoming more clearer - which helps us parent a little better.  Our family is in a good place right now.  Better than I think we have been in YEARS.  We are still looking for community but the four walls of our home are such a delight to me these days.  For that I am grateful.

7 year old Insight

 Jake is such a cool and unique kid.  I love the way his mind works.  He puts an amazing amount of thought into things.  John and I can say something to him and a day or so later he will come back with some thoughts or comments....he has been thinking. 
Last night at dinner we were talking about how fast his fingernails grow.  Way faster than Brady's.  So we passively talked about this for a minute and on to the next topic.  About 10 min later he said "Daddy don't laugh at what I am about to say: but I think my fingernails grow so fast because I pick my nose." 

Well I will admit John and I busted out laughing - it just took us so off guard.  I could not stop laughing.  Jake got really sad for a minute until we explained that we weren't laughing AT him but that what he said was just - well funny.  

This and That

Right now I have been exiled to my room while the boys and Nana prepare for my birthday in the morning.  I love that our kids love and expect our traditions.  It is neat that it has become a part of who we are as the Cook family. 

We are really getting into a good rhythm with homeschool the last 2 weeks.  Honestly, it has been on and off a lot this year.  Last fall had lots of travel and the packing of the house and holidays here and there and then the move.  Jake is really gaining ground on his reading but we are starting to hit some bumps in the road.  This week I have really struggled with the reality of Jake having ocular albinism/nystagmus.  Up until now these have not affected our daily life.   It is very hard for me to know how much to push him.  I have shed a few tears this week.  On one hand, I know that he struggles and we need to help him the best we can but on the other hand I do not want to disable him unnecessarily.  If you think of us will you please pray for God to give me and John wisdom and insight in to how to best help Jake deal with this disability.  He does not really know he has a disability and John thinks it is time for us to talk with him so that he can help us to know how to help him.  It makes me a little sad to have that conversation because I feel like it will take away a little of his innocence about life.  But only he can tell us what and how well he sees, when his eyes feel tired and such.  We think that if we give him words and understanding to some of his frustrations it might help us all. 

I am doing well - other than lifting I feel normal.  B has not slowed down a bit.  Rather than running full force he has mastered the art of scooting.  The itching has started :(.  Nana leaves tomorrow and we are very sad.  Hopefully we will survive the next few weeks.  We shall see :)