Be The Man You Want Him To Be!!!

Today I was SUPER encouraged by my wonderful husband and I wanted to share the story with you. As you know we are moving into the house this week and John took the week off to help. That itself gets tons of kudos!!! But this is even better.
John decided he wanted a new TV and for the last nine years we have been a one TV family so we decided to put our old TV in the playroom and get us a new one upstairs. When we went to Wal-Mart to get one Saturday at 5:30 (1.5 hours till kickoff) they did not have the specific one he wanted so he got a smaller one - still big. Then yesterday we were in Sam's and he found the bigger TV there for only 100 more than the one he bought. So he was going back and forth deciding if he should take it back or keep what he got.
This summer Jake saw a double sided light saber and ask for one. John promised he could have one when we got into our new house. Well you better believe that 2 months later Jake did not let him forgot so off to Wal-Mart they go. Jake picks a red one and Brady gets blue. Well this morning - after having it a few days, Jake came in the room with me and said I decided I want a blue light saber instead of red. I told him that he picked red and that was what he would have and then I talked about being thankful for what he has. His response to me was "if i break that one will you buy me a blue on?" UMM -NO!!! So I took it away from him for a little while. He went inside and when I came in after 2 talks he was crying. I said why are you crying "because I really want a blue one." So I really didn't know how to respond at that point and so I sent him to his room until John got home.
So John comes home, goes to talk to him and gives him the once again be thankful talk. Then he keeps on about it and just won't drop it. In the mean time John comes in there where I am and says "I really want to exchange my TV but I just gave him this talk on being thankful for what I have." So a few minutes later the topic comes back up with Jake about the light saber and John just shares his struggle with him. And he said "so when I think about that bigger TV I just have to remind myself to be thankful for what I have and ask God to help me have a grateful heart." Jake said "daddy, I know what I need to do - I need to pray and ask God to help me have a grateful heart too - will you pray with me daddy?"
What a sweet reminder that they just need to see that we really understand their struggles.
So today I got to watch my husband make a choice to be the man that he wants Jake to be. We still have the smaller TV and he loves it!!! I love that man!!!

Using Books to Build Character

I am doing research for school and ran across this article. She does a great job of explaining why it is necessary to expose our children to both good and bad characters in stories. I loved it and wanted to share it. It goes along with many of my reasons for homeschooling - training them to send them out.

Lessons from the First Year

I think this whole time of reflection started a few days ago when I talked with a sweet friend who just had her first child. Her husband is deployed to Iraq and so she will be doing the first month or so alone. After I got off the phone with her I begin to pray for her and I was reminded of my first few months with Jake and all that I learned. Oh the first year of parenting was such a HIGH learning curve. For the first time I have been handed the responsibility of a life. I had the highest of hopes that I was going to do this right. So I read all the books - Babywise, The baby whisper, Shepherding a Child's Heart and I don't know the host of all the others - most were not age appropriate which ended in information overload. From all the hoopla I read as well as my own experience, below are the things that stuck 5 years later. I still pass on and return to as my own stakes of God's faithfulness in certain times.
1. God gave you a mother's instinct to parent ____ (Insert your child's name). No one else has this instinct. Continually ask God to help you use it wisely.
My first pediatrician in Orlando told me this about Jake and till this day I pass it on to new moms. I can't tell you the times that this statement has given me confidence till this day to do what I feel in my gut and to trust it is from the Lord.
2. Considering the first 3 months a 4th trimester for my babies, made life so much richer for the rest of my first year.
In the book The Baby Whisper she talks about this 4th trimester. It made so much sense to me. Imagine being in a warm, quite, dark, secure place for 9 months of your life (isolation have you), and then you are thrown back into the "normal" things of this world. You would need time to adjust and you would need people to be extra sensitive to your needs. People would not expect someone to fit into the routines of daily life as soon as they re-entered society after 9 months of isolation. So how did this play out for me. I gave both of my boys the first 3 months to adjust to life. I did not swing to the side of complete attachment, nor did I do the other extreme of babywise. I held my babies a lot, rocked them to sleep sometimes, I did not let the cry it out, if they seemed really hungry before the time to eat I feed them. They slept in their own bed unless they were having a bad night and then I put them in the bed with me. I did all that I could to help that little boy adjust to this world. Don't hear me say that they never cried - they did. Brady almost the whole 3 months. But my mentality was what was the point. I gave them the first 3 months to adjust and gave them as much help as they needed. I strongly believe that as parents our worlds should not revolve around our children. They need to learn to be a part of a family and that life is not all about them. But the Scriptures tell us that there is a time for everything. Some times life must be about them. It is just a beginning of a life of dying to myself. (don't hear me wrong here. I don't disagree with the principles taught in babywise. I used them with my children. The problem with it is that many mom's hear "sleep through the night in xxx weeks" and make that their end game. When this was orginally released, the american academy of peds issued a statement saying they did not condone these practices and that their rate of infant malnurioushment had increased drastically as a result of this book. Many babies do great with the initial scheduling and the sleep easily from the get go. Many and most do not. This is where we as moms need to see this as a season of extreme selflessness and help our babies adapt to this world. Our heavenly Father is very gracious with new believers because we are learning to handle solids but for a time can only handle milk. We too, have to have this mentality with our little ones. But like God, there comes a time when they need to move on to solids. This calls for discernement. As God and he will give it to you)
3. The 4th month, they integrate :)
This is the month that I really begin enforcing a schedule. They begin to learn that life is not always going to revolve around them. But the truth is, they have for the most part slide into a healthy schedule themselves with a little help for me. This is the month that I taught my boys how to put themselves to sleep. As we approached this month I would lay them down awake sometimes to start the process. I remember the week I started this with Jake. I sat on the couch and cried the whole time he cried. It broke my heart but I knew it was the best thing for him for the long run of his life. As I sat there, God reminded me of Paul and the thorn in his flesh. I wrote the following in Jake's journal as I sat on that couch crying:
What is best for a child is not always what is easiest. Easy develops no discipline and discipline is necessary to "run the race." When Paul ask God to remove the thorns from his side, he cried out to God and pleaded with him but the Lord still said no, not because He didn't love Paul, nor because He lacked compassion for him (scripture indicates otherwise) but because He was his Father and he knew what was best for Paul as a whole and for the long run. It would save you and me both many tears if I walk in and pick you up but I know that in the long run it will pay off. I also realize that to be a parent to you the way God called me to be there will be many more times I have to sit by and choose to do the hard thing. Always know that it is because I love you dearly just as the Father loves us dearly and He disciplines those he loves.
4. I held my babies - ALOT and I am so glad I did
Lots of the books say that you will spoil a child if you don't teach him from the beginning. They say put them down often. An older mom told me this one - one day very soon they will not want you to hold them anymore and it will happen sooner than you think. Those cuddle days will pass so I enjoyed them and I am so glad I did.
5. My little bundles of joy will grow up and move out but my husband will not.
My marriage has always remained a priority. This meant that my kids took their naps and went to bed at a decent hour so that we could protect our time together. Sure there are lots of time that he is not the top priority (gauged by time). But none the less, we made decisions from the get go to protect our time and marriage. God has called me to be a wife first - not a mom.

These are the top lessons I learned during my first year. There are tons more but this is enough for now. Many moms have done it differently and it worked for them. I don't claim to know the right answers but I feel convicted to share my journey. This is my heart. A mentor told me to cling to 1 Tim 4:12 - " Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity." I covet the women who have shared their life and lessons with me because it is how I have learned. God's word instructs us to pass on what we know. I think so many mom's fall under the fear of I haven't done it all right and so I have nothing to share. That is a lie. That is exactly what Satan would want you to believe. I am still learning and will be till the day I day. I have made TONS of wrong decisions but it is good to learn from the mistakes of others. By God's grace alone will my children turn out ok. I won't take credit for their good because HE must increase and I must decrease!!! As I share my life and lessons, I give all Glory to God for in Him all wisdom and knowledge rest.

The prompting of my waffle thoughts...

The following conversation I had with one of my home school ladies last week. I wanted to share it with you because it is what prompted the Waffle post. I wanted to talk about it rather than just posting this but I have a birthday party on my mind and didn't have the time to reword this. I think that the same principles apply for girls as well. I just think that with most boys this will be a struggle throughout life. I also think that this whole concept is possibly why people label boys as "less" responsible that there counterpart girls. I think it is a very wise idea to start early helping prepare them for this struggle. I am still processing ways to help them. Thankfully, John sees this need as well and can help me think through it. More on this later.

The question she posted:

I have 3 children, 8, 6 and 3. I need advice for my 6 year old son. He is a wonderful boy - full of energy, joy, life. He is compassionate and caring. When he does something wrong, he is truly penitent and broken about it. After having said all of these wonderful things, here is my problem: Although he doesn't have any overt maliciousness, he "forgets" what is the right thing to do when I'm not around. For example, he knows he should listen to his teacher in Sunday School, but all the other little boys are squirming everywhere, so he quickly joins in. Or if he's playing with a friend who misbehaves, he does as well. He even tells me about it afterward ("Mommy, I made a couple of bad choices today.") He is very honest!

I know he is young, but I also know that habits are formed early. I do not want him to be a follower, but rather a strong man of God. What are some practical things I can do to help him towards self-control? How can I help him to be his own conscience? I would truly appreciate some ideas here.

My response:

Tanya, I am in this same boat and here are the practical things I have learned thus far from both my mentors and my husband.
1. My husband says that sometimes men "just don't think about things the way we do" It is the whole concept that women are like spaghetti - everything flows together and men are like waffles - all things are compartmentalized. When they are doing one thing that is what is on their mind. Most often other things do not flow into their thought process during that time. That being said my husband has come up with systems for himself that help him remember certain things. So how does this apply to our boys - well for my 5 year old I have seen that lots of short reminders - not lectures - right before each situation helps him remember. Before i take him into Sunday School I bend down and say "do you remember what you are suppose to do when the teacher is talking? And what are you suppose to do if the other boys start to talk, squirm, etc?" That is it. It is a gentle reminder as he walks into a situation.
I think that this parallels how the Holy Spirit uses the Scripture that we hide in our hearts. The Bible says to hide God's word in our hearts that we may not sin against him. The act of hiding the word is not what helps us not to sin. But the Holy Spirit using those words to gently remind us in situations is what helps us not to sin. Once we are reminded by the Spirit we, as Christians, choose to either be a slave to that sin or to turn from it and obey God. Our boys have that same choice. As a mom, we gently remind them as they enter a situation what is expected of them and then the choice is theirs - to obey or not.
2. This comes to the second thing - natural consequences. Sometimes it is sincerely the issue of not remembering. Other times it is their sinful LAZY hearts that choose for it to not be important enough for them to remember so they make the choice to forget. The best way to make the issue important is for him to suffer natural consequences of the decisions that he makes. If he is continually misbehaving with a certain friend then he should not be allowed to play with that friend for a period of time. Because we are not just to confess our sins but rather to confess and turn from it. I think it is great that he is honest with you about his bad choices and most likely I would guess that his problem really falls in the issue of #1. But we have to just be careful that he isn't just telling you the truth but not truly turning from his sin. I don't know your child so you will have to be the judge of that. If you think it may be the later then I would suggest invoke natural consequences that will help him remember ALONG with a gentle reminder before his activities, especially those in which you are not present.
I can't say yet how long these "gentle reminders" will be necessary because I am, as I said in this boat with you. I have been told that to not grow weary in doing this because eventually I will reap a harvest of faithfulness. I take that to mean that eventually these gentle reminders that I give him now will in fact sink in and cease to be necessary. But what I don't know is if they will just be replaced by other ones. My husband still has to have his own gentle reminders. Who know? Hope this helped.

Home Organization - Training your Children

Thought I would give a shout out to my sister - n- law Kym.  She has gotten inspired by my tips and got busy on her house.  I am so proud of her.  These pictures are of her newly created and organized "school room" - she is about to become a home schooler.  She also inspired this post.  When she sent me these pictures a line in her email said "Now I just have to train the kids to put it all back where they got it."  Well I have a little suggestion that can HELP this process.  It won't solve the problem - but it will make the training part of it fun.  It is game time!!!!

So here's what you can do Kym, and all of you others who have said this exact same thing to me. Have some training time with your children in the form of a game.  Tell them that just like any other game they have to listen to the rules and follow the instructions in order to play.  So take a small section of the house - like this school room, a play room, bedroom, etc.  Talk to the kids and show them the basic gist of where things go.  Like I said in my previous post about labeling.  Your initial goal (especially with toddlers and preschoolers) is to get it very close to the general proximity of where it belongs.  We as mom's must die to perfection.  

So using Kym's pics as an example I would sit the kiddos down and tell them the first game we are going to play is I Spy. Tell them that this will help us learn were things go so that we can play the next game. Some of these are so obvious but that is great for little ones.  Have some stickers or something little in hand to give for right answers.  So then you can say things like I spy a globe, or a leap pad book, or a box of stacking blocks, or a magnadoodle....you get the picture.  The first child that shows you were it is gets a little sticker or such.  If the bigger kids are hogging the game then just take turns. Play this a little while and expect to let the kids be the person that spies as well.  This may be all that gets done in this training session.  Just remember that the goal is only known to you and disguised to the kids as fun and games.

If you have kids with long attention spans then proceed to the next game but you really want to make sure that the kids know were the things go/are first. If you stopped with I Spy and then return later to keep going then just recap the I Spy game with a quick "Who can tell me where.....is?"  

The next game you can play with them is Memory.  Before they come into the room (or make them close their eyes) take 4-8 random objects off shelves and in the room and lay them in the center of the room.  Tell them that it's just like when you play the memory card game and you have to remember where you saw the matching card.  Here you have to remember from the eye spy game where things are (don't underestimate your kids - they can do this).  Have each one take turns and put an item back on the shelf where it goes - if it is wrong give them another try.  Make it fun.  When they get objects right reward them with whatever you want.  Remember that they are learning a skill so give them lots of praise and make it worth their while.  Play this several time if they stay with it.  When you think they are ready go to the final big game.

The Cleanup Challenge -  this should come with a great surprise for all who truly participate not just the winners.  My suggestion would be to get your husband involved with all of this but especially this game (I mean lets face it - he will think he is doing it to help you out this one time but then he can't say he doesn't know were things go :):)  So divide into 2 teams - 1 adult on each team.  If you don't have 2 adults but an older sibling then let them be the main helper on the other team.  The goal is to clean up the entire room CORRECTLY in the quickest time.  So go into the room and somewhat destroy it and then time the other team to see how long it takes to clean up the room.  Cheer on your opponents - (John would struggle to do that).  Next, your team goes and in order to make it fair you have to minimize your help since you did set up the system - give more guidance rather than doing it yourself.  After the game is over their should be a surprise for the winning team (Nothing wrong with healthy competition) but a big treat for everyone - ice cream would be great.  This would be the time to talk about and teach your children about stewardship.  Something like this:

I had a lot of fun playing our new games together the last 2 days (or tonight).  It was fun time to spend as a family.  But we did this for another reason as well.  We want to teach you how to be good stewards of our home....Talk about what a steward is and what God says about it (keep it on their terms)  You can be good steward by helping mommy take care of the things that God has provided for us like the toys and books that are in our school room.  The games we have played have taught you where things go and I have seen you put them where they go - you even won prizes for doing it.  So now, when mommy ask you to go clean up your school room - I know with complete confidence that you can do it.  We expect you to care for your things because God has instructed us to do so.  Mommy has spent this fun time together teaching you how to do just that.  i am so excited that you have learned a new skill and a new way to honor God.  Do you have any questions about what I expect of you?

A few tips:

1.  This could be a game night with breaks in between games.  The kids will follow your lead so if you make it a blast they will have a blast.

2.  You don't need to expect them to get it in 20 minutes especially if they are little or are not use to having "training times" like this.  Just be patient and try the next day.  The bigger picture here is that you are training your children how to be stewards - not just keeping a room tidy.

3. I would suggest talking with your husband about it before hand - I hope that he desires that your children learn stewardship as well and then he is on board and making it fun. Plus he learns where things go.  I would call that a GREAT PLUS!!!

4. I would suggest using this with every major room that you need their help keeping tidy and organized - their rooms, play rooms, living rooms, baths.  Some of these may not be safe for the kids to be in charge of yet so use your judgement.

5.  Don't stop after this night or training session.  If we don't use it we loose it.  If they slack replay the games to remind them.  Expect them to do it and make it an issue of obedience.  There have been times in my life I have said it is easier to just do it myself but God has told us to train our children in the way they should go.  If I do it myself I am doing my kids a great injustice of teaching them that someone will always be around to do it for them.  They don't learn/aren't taught personal responsibility and stewardship.  

I hope this is a way you can teach and train your children that is fun and playful rather than nagging and frustrating.  Love to hear how it goes.  Remember to be patient, persistent and consistent.  You will see fruit.

Perspective

"Train up a child in the way he should go, even when he is old he will not depart from it." Prov 22:6

I am reading the book Grace Based Parenting by Tim Kimmel and this is what he says about this verse.

"Parents assume this verse is saying that if we raise our children in a Christian home, take them to church and Sunday School, point out the pitfalls of the corrupted world around them, and maybe put them in a safe environment then when they are older they are going to embrace the moral and spiritual presuppositions they were trained with in their youth...The problem is, I can come up with plenty of examples of kids who were raised according to the parameters that I just outlined, but they rejected the spiritual training of their youth when they got older. When parents see this happen, they wonder if God broke His promise to them. The answer is "NO." ...What is amazing to me is how so many people continue to misapply Prov 22:6.

The "train up a child" part has an interesting usage when you break down the Hebrew text. The expression "train up" is used in other Hebrew literature to describe a maneuver that ancient midwives used to cause newborns to begin the sucking impulse. Right after birth, they would take the juice of crushed grapes or dates and put it on their index finger and massage the baby's gums and palate. Besides developing the sucking responses, this would also cleanse the newborns mouth of amniotic fluids.

When used in Prov 22, the writer is saying that we should use childhood as an opportunity to build a clean and healthy thirst for life that God has uniquely designed for that child.....One of the most accurate English synonyms for this Hebrew word dereck would be the word bents.

This is how the same word is translated in Ps 11 referring to the bend of a bow.

If you were making a bow out of a tree limb, you'd first study the limb to figure out what its natural "bent" is. Then you'd string it. If you didn't do this, when you pulled the bow back it would snap because it was strung against its natural bent rather than with it. In the same way we are to groom our children according to their natural bents. This means coming alongside them with a plan to help leverage their natural and unique gifts and skills into highly developed assets that they can lean on in the future.

....it also means that we should study them enough to know which natural bents they have that push them in the wrong direction. They might struggle with an inordinate amount of fear, shyness, stubbornness, agrumentiveness, dependence, independence, sexual drive, or need to take dangerous risks. We can't make these liabilities disappear, but we are to raise them in such a way that we account for them and give them tools to help process them properly."

I think this is great perspective and I want to write more about how I see this playing out personally in my life later. Love to hear your thoughts.

A Golden Nugget

I found a very big golden nugget today and wanted to share it with you! I have been looking at this book for a while now but wasn't sure if it was age appropriate for my boys. I decided to bite the bullet and get it knowing that I could use it eventually. It is amazing!!! It specifically breaks down sins and struggles and gives you ideas, scripture refs, consequences etc for each one. I very much see that natural consequences work best in a lot of cases (especially with my 4 year old) but often struggle with what exactly that consequence should be. She tells you and gives you scripture to back it up. It is an amazing resource for a parent that longs to teach and train your children with the Word.

For Instruction in Righteousness is the title. Here is the link. http://www.doorposts.net/instruct.asp

Organizing 1 - Scripture Memory Box

I thought I would start with an easy one that has been so helpful for me. We are teaching the boys Bible Verses and the Children's Catechism at breakfast every morning. We started Jake about age 3 but have started Brady sooner and surprisingly he is getting it. Jake begin to have to many verses for us to review daily so i did this little system for review. Now John and I have a color and we just all do our verses at breakfast as often as possible.
In case you were wondering, the verses we are teaching Jake for the most part come from the Wise Words for Moms Put on/Put off List. It has really helped when we discipline him that he already knows the verse. http://www.amazon.com/Wise-Words-Moms-Ginger-Plowman/dp/0966378660
We use the book : The Children's Shorter Catechism. Our church gave it to us but you can also find them on the web.

you will need:

-index cards in various colors - each person gets their own color
-1 - 2 pieces of white card stock (or just 8 white index cards)
-8 page divider tabs (see pic below)
-index file box (we use the 3x5 cards and box)

put it together:

1. Take you 8 tabs and label each of them with a day of the week (7) and one labeled New
2. Attach these to the white index cards. If you have a piece of cardstock, first cut it into 8-3x5 pieces to use for your divider page. Then attach the tabs to them. Make sure that you stagger their placement just like the tabs are when you put them on pages.
3. I put one verse on an index card and 5 catechism q&a on a page. These go in the NEW file to be reviewed every day. For Jake - age 4 - we do 1 verse and 1 question/ week (unless really easy) but everyday we review all the questions we have gotten to on the catechism page. Brady- age 2.1 - we just started with him and he will do Catechism 1-3 and Eph 6:1 for an entire month before moving on.
4. After the verse has been memorized (what ever the time frame is) we move it to one of the days of the week for weekly review. After the Catechism page has been memorized (which for jake takes about 4-5 weeks) it also goes to a day of the week for review.



So here would be what we would do at breakfast on say a Monday:
Jake - Practice New - 1 Thes 5:16-18, Catechism # 16-18
- Review Old in Monday file - Catechism #1-5, Phil 2:14, Ps 53:3
Brady - Practice New Only
John and I aren't doing catechism so we just practice new and review old.

Hope this makes sense. I tried to be extremely thorough so it would make sense. Let me know what you think and if you have ?'s

Check out this book

About 2 weeks ago I was doing some research online about ways to help Jake learn flexibliltiy. (practically). I came across this book and website http://www.nurturebynature.com I was very intrigued so I bought the book. WOW!!! This book is an amazing resource for parenting. It is NOT a christian book about parenting. It basically helps you apply the myers briggs test to your child. I don't agree with all that it says but it is great insight for me. For example, John and I learned that Jake is a feeler and he lives in a house full of thinkers. I see so clearly now that some of the walls that we have been hitting with him can in fact be due to the fact that we have been insensitive to his needs. Not on purpose really. Sometimes, the little things that can't be fixed, like when his biscuit crumbles and he wants it put back together, send him in a spiral and he can not gain control of himself. John and I have approached it as
Mom or dad -"Sweetheart, this biscuit will not go back together. There is nothing we can do about it."
Jake- but i want it back together - Cry, Cry harder, and harder.
Mom and dad - "Jake there is nothing we can do about it now it is time to gain control of yourself and stop crying."

Now when I look at the above conversation, I see that we did all we could and there was no need for him to continue crying, he needs to learn and practice self control. I still believe that this is true but we thinkers have to learn to rephrase what that little feeler is hearing. Back last fall, John and I went through the book Love and Respect with some couples (Great book by the way). In it he talks about how we so often step on each others air hose when we fail to communicate the way the other person needs to be communicated to. It is as though we are stopping their lifeline or sucking the air right out of them. John and I have come to realize in the last few weeks that we have been doing the same to Jake. Thankfully, God is gracious and Jake is 4 and not 14.

There are several other great insights that we have gained from this book for both of our boys. It has helped me to better think for each of them individually because they are so very different.
I do recommend this book as a resource but I also have talked with a friend who somewhat specializes in this test for adults. He gave me some great insight that i will pass on to you.
1. It is our duties as parents to be well aware of our children's giftings and personality. This helps us to train and disciple them better and help them to develop in their giftings as well as weaknesses. Knowing your child's personality, however can not excuse sin. We as christian parents are responsible for teaching our child obedience so that they can learn to be obediant to God. No personality, even the extreme ones are excused from this responsibility.
2. Don't put our child in a box labeled ISFJ or so and so. Use this as insight and not concrete. For us, it has helped me to see that I can speak so much deeper to Jake's heart if I pull him into my lap and love on him for a few minutes and then talk with him about self control, or whatever the issue is. He hears me so much better than when I had the "get over it mentality" (Sorry, but I am a pretty extreme thinker, not feeler) .

I so deeply long to be a godly mom to my children and to be an instrument that God can use to mold and shape them into the men that he desires them to be. I want to a woman who is "skilled in my work" (Prov 22:29) and this book is just a tiny way to help me along the way. Plus it was fun to read. Just a thought.

Planning for the Boys

The boys were sick today so we couldn't go to church. During the boys room time this morning, John and I took some time to pray and think for our boys. In Jean Flemings book, A mothers heart, she talks about taking time to do this often for each child. It really seems to help me focus in on specific areas of their life rather being overwhelmed with all that needs to be taught and encouraged. Today was specifically encouraging and productive. One, it is always nice when John has the time to join in rather than getting the big pictures from my time thinking. He always brings insight to the table that I wouldn't catch as their mom. It also really makes the two of us feel like a team in this parenting adventure.
We have really been struggling with what to do with Brady. He is such a free spirit, so unlike his brother. John and I love this about him because he lightens up things. Jake and I are defiantly more serious by nature but Brady does such a great job bringing out the silliness in our house. But oh when it comes to discipline he is so hard. He loves to walk the line of obedience. He waits until he sees me coming to obey and even then he is going to put up a fight while doing it. Up until our time together today, John and I have had differing thoughts on how to approach the disciplining process with him. What was so encouraging about our time was that God really showed us that He has put Brady in our lives to deal with our selfishness and our desire for our own preferences. What I mean is that Jake has always been a fairly obedient and compliant child so we had rules in our home that were preference for us rather than necessity. (Granted I didn't realize that was what we were doing till Brady) Jake for the most part obeyed these rules and made life easy for us. Brady - well that is not the case. He is a rebel of all things pertaining to rules. When John and I were talking we realized that we battle him so often over things that are our preference. So today we decided that for the time being we will choose our battles with him more carefully and discipline him for things that are dangerous and destructive. We also have to add in aggravating his brother because he is a picker and it infuriates Jake to the point of destruction :) (we are gonna work on that too.)
Another encouraging topic of discussion was each of the boys strengths. It was much easier to see these in Jake because of his age. Granted our list of strengths was longer for both boys than weaknesses but I guess Jake's had more depth because he is really becoming a boy. We also pick from these strengths and work on developing and nurturing that strength so that all of our energy is not focused on "fixing them." Jake really has a servants heart and John thought that this was the area to nurture in his life over the next few months. I am really excited about brainstorming ways to do this in his life. I want him to know that all of life is not about him and his little world and serving other people is a way to open his eyes to this.
I loved this time together this morning it was so encouraging and purposeful. Now, I will take the things that we talked over and the goals we set for the boys and make specific applications to our daily life.
If you have any ideas of service projects for a 4 year old feel free to chime in. I think we will bake cookies for the nursery workers at church and take to them one day. We also have a friend that said they had sticks in their yard that needed cleaning up so we may try to do that one day. Any ideas????
I really encourage you to give this planning a try. It is so neat to me to take time to really evaluate my children and see the areas that the Lord is growing them in. It was such a sweet time as we spent thinking and praying for each child. It also gives you a specific time to pay attention and praise God for all the strengths that you see them developing in. I know that so often from day to day I notice their weaknesses most. Any way, give it a try and tell me what you think.