Friday, May 15, 2009

Just to be with ME!!!!

Below is taken directly from my journal. This is what God showed me today. I want to share it because for me it is profound!!!! When you read it don't see the me as me (Amy). When you read it YOU are me!!!! He feels the same way about you. I hope you are in awe as I am. Oh and listen to Love Song by Third Day on my playlist while you read it:)

I remember before Brady was born wondering how I could love another as much as I loved Jake. But the moment I saw him my heart felt like it would explode with love for him as well. I know I am not capable of loving like God does but today I realized that His heart is completely full of love for me. I am His daughter, His bride, His friend - in all of these things He loves me fully, completely. Reading the Twilight books, I have been wooed to this kind of bold love - forsaking self for the one you love, willing to give your life for that love, to put aside your needs for the one you love. Here on earth this kind of love exist but is tainted by sin and so we never get to experience it in its fullness. But the taste that I have of it - my husband protecting me from those who seek to destroy me with their words, comforting me like no one on this earth can, laughing with me as we walk through this life and this trial, reading about Edward Cullen willing to give his life to protect his love, willing to die when he thinks she is dead - these whet my appetite for this deep love that is not tainted by our sin. Lately I have felt unsatisfied with how the people who love me love me. But this is not about them. All of this wooing is God trying to open my eyes to the reality of that perfect love. It exist and I can experience it everyday. It is somewhat tainted but not by my lover - rather by my sin and my perceptions of Him. This love is there and I can feel it, I can enjoy it, i can delight in it, I can keep it to myself - it is very deep and personal. He is jealous for me and my affection. He wants me to be with him. He wants me to want Him, to delight in Him, to cherish Him, to be with Him - to be with Him. That is what He wants from me. His desire for me is to be with Him - He doesn’t want my service, my labor. He doesn’t want me to tell others about Him, He doesn’t want me to share this love with others. He does not want me to teach others how to experience this love, to have it themselves. He does not want me to teach my children about Him, He doesn’t want me to love my husband with all that I have and give myself to him fully and completely, He does not want me to love my neighbor as myself. He does not want these things of me but He knows that they will happen because you can't keep this kind of love to yourself. Me doing these things are not the desires of His heart!!!! I am the desire of His heart. He wants me to make Him the desire of my heart. He wants me to not get enough of Him. He wants me to read His love letter to ME like I read a good love story. He wants me to see that all that He did was because He loves me. He did it for me. He caused an old woman past her time to have a baby so that he could be with me. He walked on the raging seas so He could be with me. When men insulted Him and attacked Him, he did not retaliate but entrusted Himself to the one who judges justly so that He could be with me. He walked a mountain with a cross on His back, He hung on that cross, He was beaten and spit at so that He could be with me. He changed the hearts of men so that the truth of Him would make it to me so that he could be with me. He allowed the death of saints - to be murdered and burned at the stake - lives he could have saved but lives that wanted to be with Him and wanted me to be with Him. He allowed their deaths so that He could be with me. He did this all for me. There is no price He did not pay to be with me. And that is just what He wants - to be with me. JUST TO BE WITH ME!!!!!

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