The Rantings of an Itchy Woman!!!

"There is nothing - no circumstance, no trouble, no testing - that can ever touch me until, first of all, it has gone past God and past Christ right through to me. If it has come that far, it has come with a great purpose, which I may not understand at that moment. But as I refuse to become panicky, as I lift up my eyes to HIm and accept it as coming from the throne of God for some great purpose of blessing to my own heart, no sorrow will ever disturb me, no trial will ever disarm me, no circumstance will ever cause me to fret - for I shall rest in the joy of what my Lord is! - That is the rest of victory!"

-Alan Redpath

The Lord is so sweet to me. Just yesterday I was reading a friends blog and saw this quote on it. I was encouraged by it but had no idea how the Lord would use it the very next day in my life. I think that before this morning when i read that quote I thought of bigger, harder, more tragic things but that is not true. God said in His word that he would never give me more than i can handle....even a sleepless night, a trip to 2 doctors before 9 am and a 1hour plus trip to wal-mart. But I didn't hear that soft voice of the Holy Spirit until it was all over and I had my breakdown in the parking lot of Wal-mart and was driving home in the first quiet moment I had all morning (I think the boys were unsure what to do or say when they saw me this way and for once decided silence might be their best option...Thanks God)

Ok so to back up and fill in the gaps. Back in the fall i broke out in an obnoxious rash that kept me awake for 4 weeks and lasted for 6 weeks (the last 2 weeks I finally got a medicine that would touch it) We thought it was an allergic reaction to mucinex but oh it wasn't...it came back about 3 weeks ago. I told John i wasn't going to the doctor because all they told me last time was that if it wasn't the medicine reaction they didn't know what it was. Of course, that visit i went in the morning and anyone who has ever had a rash know that the afternoon and evening is worse so the doc didn't see a lot. Anyway, this rash it 100x's worse than the last time so John told me i had to go. I made an apt for 7 am this morning..All they had till next wed. When i get in there the doc says sweetie you are covered in hives. He told me that hives are only caused by something i am putting in my mouth. Anything from shellfish to peanuts to tylenol and until we find out what it is they won't go away. So he gives me a shot to ease the discomfort, a load of meds to take for the next 4 weeks and instructions to find out what is causing it HA!!!! Oh and by the way I slept for 2 hours maybe last night and the rash never settled down for my moments of rest in the morning because i stayed up scrathing it allllll night. So then i leave that doctor and go to Jake's 4 year check up to meet John with the kids. My sweet husband saw the frazzled look on my face and said he would stay and help me with the kids. After this me and the boys head to walmart to get my meds filled. The shot is starting to make me extremely sleepy but has not eased my itching yet. They told me 30 mins and about 1hr 15 min later we were leaving. Brady was crazy beside himself. He would not stop crying in the cart and when i would put him down he would destroy all in sight. I finally walked to the corner of the store and stood there about 15 mins and just let him cry. I felt like i couldn't win either way...you know when your child is out of control and in that moment it feels as though all of walmart has their eyes on you and that whatever way you handle it won't be right in their eyes. Usually this does not bother me when it happens because I told myself a long time ago that it is more important to not compromise consistency with my child for the appeasment of others (whenever possible, i know sometimes exceptions are necessary but they shouldn't be the rule). I finally got my meds and headed to the car Brady crying the entire way. At the car, the boys got into a fight and I broke. I immediately shouted you are both getting spankings when i get home. I strapped Brady in and in that moment the Holy Spirit broke my heart. I went to get Jake from the cart and began to cry pretty hard. I told him he was not getting a spanking and that mommy had spoke in anger and frustration. I ask him to forgive me and told him that mommy didn't feel very good today and that i needed his help today. He was so sweet and so quick to forgive me. It was a precious moment but my crying didn't stop. When we finally started home the quote from above came to my mind. It became so personal. God was not absent from this morning, it was no surprise to him that it happened. He is so much more committed to my character and holiness than he is my comfort. As i thought about the fact that this morning in my life passed through the hands of God first and he saw it good for me, I felt desperate for a moment. I ask the Lord how do i handle this because I feel at the end of my rope...what i heard was so simple. When you are weak, I am strong. It is in my weakness that God creates opportunities for His glory to shine. Had i taken time to stop earlier and ask for help and gained proper perspective this circumstance would not have caused me to fret.

Our purpose on earth is to glorify God always, whatever we are doing. I pray that I will become more sensitive to the Spirit in my life. This morning was a wonderful opportunity to honor God with my life, my words, my actions. I let my emotions take charge, just like my 2 year old and simply missed and opportunity to glorify him. I know and accept God's grace for this morning but i want to be more aware. So often I tell Jake that he needs to make a wise choice...to stop and think. Today I was in need of this same advice.

Well as I said in the title this was a ranting for the most part but even in my sin God was so gracious to show me his heart. He desires for me to experience the rest of victory. Not only that but He was not angry or impatient with my meltdown the way I had been with Brady's. I am so thankful for my Abba Father- daddy that loves me and Brady beyond measure and is commited to helping me learn how to glorify Him in this life. How I long for that to be true of me as I parent my boys.

I know this was long and for those of you who made it through it...Be encouraged. Most have you have had those very same moments or will have one tommorrow. Let this encourage you the way the quote at the top that I read just yesterday encouraged me to stop and think in that moment and see it is from the hand of God and know that he approved it and it is for your good. Stop...Think...and breathe in the rest of His victory......and give your child and extra dose of love in that moment....I wish i had.