Monday, August 18, 2008

What's a Mom to do?

So God says in His word that one of the seven things that he hates is one who stirs up trouble with their brother (Prov 6:19). This happens well over 20 times a day in our house and we are at whits end. Very specifically, Brady is an aggravator and agitator. At this point in his life he takes great delight in doing both of the above to his brother. He has been known to run up and pull 2 hand fulls of Jake's hair and take off running. The most recent has been hitting. He will want a toy and just hit Jake and take it from him. It really gets so frustrating how often it happens. Yesterday, out of sheer frustration, we told Jake to hit him back. Several people have suggested this to me. Well we finally did it and well I have to say that it did not sit well with my spirit. So John told Jake not to do that again until we had time to pray and talk about it.
So this morning I spent some time in prayer and the word (using the book For Instruction in Righteousness as my guide) specifically regarding this issue and here are the things that I found:
-Do not seek revenge or bear a grudge against one of your people but love your neighbor as yourself (Lev 19:18)
-Do not say "I'll pay you back for this wrong!" Wait for the Lord and he will deliver you. (Prov 20:22)
-Do not say "I'll do to him as he has done to me..." (Prov 24:29
-others are Rom 12:17-21, 1 Pe 2:23, 1 Pe 3:11 and Luke 6:35-36

Basically, I can't find anywhere in Scripture that even alludes to it being ok for Jake to just hit him back to give him a dose of his on medicine. Kim Foster (writer of for instruction in righteousness) suggest that there are times when a parent needs to discipline in the same way that the child hurt another (bite, pushing, hitting your brother with a drum stick or hammer in the head). She says that it needs to be in a controlled environment with control and calmed emotions. Then to talk with the child about how it felt and such.
This seems to be the correct approach and to me it makes sense but I have a few "cultural concerns" and I would love feedback with your thoughts on it.
So are we going to make Jake a wimp if we don't let him fight back? Is he going to know how to take up for himself at school and other places? What does this look like for a family trying to trust God's word and method in our cultural? Am I looking at this wrong because it seems to me that scripture is clear about it so I would love to see it from a different perspective if any of you have any.


Kristin said...

I'm in the same boat, only it's my older one pestering my younger one. John David does things ALL DAY LONG just to bother Laura Beth. Of course he has some very tender moments with her, but lately I've been getting tired of hearing myself saying, "Are you being as KIND as you can be?... Remember, she's your sister, your best friend... God tells us to be KIND to one another... How would you feel if she did that to you?..." I know I talk it to death. So... no answers from me, but I'll stay tuned to see if anyone else does!

April Brown said...

This is just the thing Belinda should know about! Maybe it's time to call her:) If she doesn't have any wisdom on the subject, it's time to roll up your sleeves and get a handful of that dark, curly hair of Brady', don't do it! I can't stand the thought of Bradykins getting his hair yanked!!

Duane and Kim said...

Right when I read this I thought of Shepherding a Child's Heart and found it: "What advice do you give your child...Many parents would urge their child to fight fire with fire...some teach their child to ignore it...God says to return good for evil, all the while entrusting ourselves to the protective care of a God who says "It is mine to avenge"...Biblical counsel leads your children to entrust themselves to God's care and protection. It teaches sensitivity to the needs of the offender. It reminds her that God says to bless those that curse us. In short, it is counsel that can only function in the context of biblical revelation. This counsel directs the child to God and not to his own resources....Romans 12:17-21 tells us that the only weapon strong enough to overcome evil is good. 1 Peter 2:23 tells us to face injustice without retaliation, entrusting ourselves to God...Train your children to use hurt to learn how to love God and deepen their trust and confidence in Him. Know you've read this before but it just came to mind...