The Truth

There is so much I want to say. I think most of you knew there was more to this move than John's job. It is true. This is the best decision for his job - to be in a bigger city and close to an airport. But the main reason we are moving back to Bham is me. When we first made the decision I was so afraid of saying something that might hurt the people in Reform. But since we made this decision I have received nothing but love and understanding from them even though they have no idea why. I love those people - our family. But for this time in our life I need to be in a place that fosters healing in my life. I have some very dear heart friends in Birmingham and older women who have invested their lives in me in the past that can help me walk through this very hard time in my life.

This summer the walls came crashing down in my life. The accumulation of the last 6 years of moves and starting over, along with other things, caught up with me in so many ways. Spiritually, emotionally and even physically I feel like I fell apart. God has brought me to a place of brokenness that I have never experienced before. I feel like the last 5 weeks since returning from NY (without John) that God has graciously wrapped a rope around me holding me together. Many times it begins to unwind and the floodgates of emotions take over (if you know me you know I not super emotional). But ever so gently He has pulled me back in - not by any act of mine. I am not sure what God has in store for me in the coming months but this week I met with a dear sweet friend who spoke such truth into my life that I actually begin to believe it. She told me that she believes in the physical representation of the spiritual things that God does in our lives. God used NY to literally bring me to the end of my rope in so so many ways but this move represents all things new. A new start, a new me - "if any one is in Christ he is a new creation, the old has gone and the new has come." Sometimes, most times, it takes God years and years - a lifetime - to remove that old and sometimes it is simple and other times it is drastic. For me this is a drastic removal of the old in my life. This "pruning" is very painful but it makes me know that my Daddy loves me and He desires nothing to rival Him for my affection.

Like I said earlier, there is much I want to say but for now this is enough. It is not hard for me to be an open book - I always have been. But for now please just pray for healing in my life. Pray that quickly I feel "settled" in Bham. John and I both are very weary and though we can't say we will never move again we do feel like we will be here for a while. I must confess that this is just as hard for me to believe as it is for some of you. But we have arrived - we are done. Our "adventurous spirit" has been quenched. So life begins outside of survival mode. Please pray that I learn how to live outside of survival mode soon.
Those of you that have called or sent emails - thank you so much. I think as mom's we so struggle asking people for help. But I know that God intends for us as believers to be His hands and feet not only to the lost but to our brothers and sisters. I need my friends right now more than ever - people who love me and people who can love my children when I don't seem to be doing such a good job at that these days.
I believe God allowed events to happen in my life that brought me to this place of brokenness and I believe that He will see me through this - I believe this because His word says so
Psalm 66:10-12
¹⁰ For you, O God, tested us;
you refined us like silver.
¹¹ You brought us into prison
and laid burdens on our backs.
¹² You let men ride over our heads;
we went through fire and water,
but you brought us to a place of abundance.

Ezekiel 34:26
I will send down showers in season; there will be showers of blessing.

Enough for now....