Thursday, March 20, 2008

Check out this book

About 2 weeks ago I was doing some research online about ways to help Jake learn flexibliltiy. (practically). I came across this book and website I was very intrigued so I bought the book. WOW!!! This book is an amazing resource for parenting. It is NOT a christian book about parenting. It basically helps you apply the myers briggs test to your child. I don't agree with all that it says but it is great insight for me. For example, John and I learned that Jake is a feeler and he lives in a house full of thinkers. I see so clearly now that some of the walls that we have been hitting with him can in fact be due to the fact that we have been insensitive to his needs. Not on purpose really. Sometimes, the little things that can't be fixed, like when his biscuit crumbles and he wants it put back together, send him in a spiral and he can not gain control of himself. John and I have approached it as
Mom or dad -"Sweetheart, this biscuit will not go back together. There is nothing we can do about it."
Jake- but i want it back together - Cry, Cry harder, and harder.
Mom and dad - "Jake there is nothing we can do about it now it is time to gain control of yourself and stop crying."

Now when I look at the above conversation, I see that we did all we could and there was no need for him to continue crying, he needs to learn and practice self control. I still believe that this is true but we thinkers have to learn to rephrase what that little feeler is hearing. Back last fall, John and I went through the book Love and Respect with some couples (Great book by the way). In it he talks about how we so often step on each others air hose when we fail to communicate the way the other person needs to be communicated to. It is as though we are stopping their lifeline or sucking the air right out of them. John and I have come to realize in the last few weeks that we have been doing the same to Jake. Thankfully, God is gracious and Jake is 4 and not 14.

There are several other great insights that we have gained from this book for both of our boys. It has helped me to better think for each of them individually because they are so very different.
I do recommend this book as a resource but I also have talked with a friend who somewhat specializes in this test for adults. He gave me some great insight that i will pass on to you.
1. It is our duties as parents to be well aware of our children's giftings and personality. This helps us to train and disciple them better and help them to develop in their giftings as well as weaknesses. Knowing your child's personality, however can not excuse sin. We as christian parents are responsible for teaching our child obedience so that they can learn to be obediant to God. No personality, even the extreme ones are excused from this responsibility.
2. Don't put our child in a box labeled ISFJ or so and so. Use this as insight and not concrete. For us, it has helped me to see that I can speak so much deeper to Jake's heart if I pull him into my lap and love on him for a few minutes and then talk with him about self control, or whatever the issue is. He hears me so much better than when I had the "get over it mentality" (Sorry, but I am a pretty extreme thinker, not feeler) .

I so deeply long to be a godly mom to my children and to be an instrument that God can use to mold and shape them into the men that he desires them to be. I want to a woman who is "skilled in my work" (Prov 22:29) and this book is just a tiny way to help me along the way. Plus it was fun to read. Just a thought.


Kari said...

Thanks for the insight my friend. I think my little guys is a feeler also, he does much better when I hold him and love him before disciplining. I hate we haven't talked. Call me when it's a good time for you this week. We left B-ham early b/c H.R. got the flu.

Laura said...

I am meeting with my cabinet maker this week. I wanted to make sure that I had thought of everything (possible)organization wise. Will you give me a call when you get the chance, just to help me bounce ideas?

alieta said...

So I took the quiz online for Lola, and of course she is ENFP like her mama. I was really surprised~I guess I was hoping at least one aspect of my incredibly strong willed child was different from mine, but when I told Logan and my dad, they both responded they didn't need a quiz to figure that out! Thanks for telling me about it.