Friday, July 11, 2008

What a day!!!

You would have thought that would have been the title for yesterday.  But yesterday was great - tiring but great.  Today is another story.  Nothing has happened that serves for a great story - no drama, no tragedy, not even spilt milk.  But I really felt the weight of sin in my life today.  At Alaina's funeral, Billy (her dad) ask if we were as offended at the sin in our life as we were at the death of a 4 year old little girl.  For me that was an easy answer - NO!!!  How that must grieve God's heart.  But today, today has been different.  This whole day has just been one of those days that we all have - kids fighting like cats and dogs, somewhere to be, just can't seem to get it going and bad decisions leave no time for "the gathering of my daily manna".  As a result - sin has spewed from my mouth all day long.  At one point in the car I said "ok no one talk the rest of the way home - mommie included."  When I laid the boys down for their naps I was singing to Brady and in that moment and the ones following I really wanted to be in heaven.  One stake that God has driven into my heart this last week is that this is not my home and that the pettiness of life needs to be daily kept in proper perspective.  But here I am sitting at this babies feet singing a song by memory just because it is what we do.  And then I kissed him and left the room and proceeded to do the same thing with Jake.  After leaving Jake's room, I just sat down and thought about how my sin and flesh are so incredibly powerful - or at least they feel that way today.  I want my children to be loved perfectly, I want them to stop having to experience the awful pain and sting of sin - MY SIN and I know that will never happen this side of heaven.  Days like today make me wonder why God waits to return.  Here I am this wretched sinner who longs to honor God with my life and has been jilted to the core over the events of the last week and I still can't get it "right."  As I sit here and let the reality of this wash over me it makes me want to just be with the Lord and stop striving.  
Thank you sweet Jesus that you bore my wretchedness on the cross and that victory is mine as a result.  Thank you that you promise me that this is just a day in my story and that your mercies are new every morning and that GREAT is your faithfulness!!!!!

1 comment:

Kristin said...

Amen! Jonathan and I had an argument the day after the funeral, and I looked at him in complete frustration and said, "Even after THIS, we still can't get it right..." I understand your longing.